“You’ve been demanding I let you prove you’re potty trained for weeks,” he said, “So this is your chance.”
Sure, he’d bought me a potty. It was far too small, but that wasn’t the issue. He’d removed my diaper but made me stand astride the potty, my long legs either side, stood upright.
If I relaxed now I’d wet in the potty, sure, but also down my thighs and all over the floor. I looked at him beseechingly.
“I need to sit!”
“Sit?” he exclaimed, “On a potty? With all those germs up against your skin? No, I’m not exposing you to that unhygienic nastiness.”
Oh, right. So he’s willing to have me sit in my own mess, hot plastic trapping it against my skin, but join millions of other adults by sitting on an easily cleaned potty seat? Toilet seat! I sighed, his influence over my language was even invading my thoughts.
He misinterpreted the sigh. “Go, or it’s straight back into diapers.”
“If I go now without sitting I’ll wet all over the floor,” I said, “This isn’t..”
He cut me off. “Don’t be silly,” he told me sternly, “This potty is advertised as having a splash guard. If you can’t use it properly without making a mess then you clearly aren’t ready for it. I think I’d better just put you straight back into diapers.”
I admit, I panicked at that point. It had taken so long to convince him to let me even try and use a potty. I swiftly squatted, knees bent double but heels off the ground, enough to keep me from making contact with the potty. I relaxed with relief and let the hot stream go, looking down to celebrate my stolen success.
He’d stolen my success from me, snatching the potty away as I crouched. Even as I tried to hold the flow I knew it was too late, a puddle on the wooden floorboards, growing around one of my feet.
The outcome was worse than being kept in diapers. I now had a very sore bottom, and was also being kept in diapers. On top of that, his final words as he walked away carrying the potty I’d dreamed of using.
“You’re clearly not ready for this. I’ll see if they’ll give me a refund, it’s unused after all. Such a waste of time. I’ll order you some more diapers, it’s going to be a while before we try this again.”