“Stand back! He’s wearing a suicide diaper!”

The crowd scattered, leaving the man stood there alone in the square. He looked around despondently and held his hands out to the side.

“I changed my mind,” he said, “I don’t want to die.”

The armed police shouted at him to keep his distance, kneel down, obey them or they’d kill him in a hail of bullets. One brave woman approached him, full protection showing her role as bomb disposal.

“Is it booby trapped?” she asked, staying a few yards away.

“I don’t know,” replied the man, his massive diaper visible to all, “Please, hurry, I don’t want an explosion in my diaper.”

The bomb disposal lady gave him an incredulous look, then pointedly sniffed at the air.

“Seems to me you already have.”